Wednesday, August 31, 2011

4000...Now It Is Official

Professional fear mongers Mark Syeyn and Michael Coren concluded last night on Sun TVs The Arena that the U.S. is done.

I hope they have the decency to wait until after the Super Bowl.


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

3999...He Is Back

All the way back.

He is Michael Vick and after hitting bottom financially and doing time followed by a 10 buck an hour construction gig he is so back.

It is widely reported that he has signed for 100 000 000 . 00 with the Philly Iggles. Almost half is guaranteed.

Good going Ron Mexico.


3998...This Is The Scene

The election is up in the air on Ontario and as Ontario goes so goes the country.

Will we continue to be progressive under Dalton McGuinty or go back in time to the regressive days of Mike Harris?

October 6 is the day of decision.

Stay tuned.


Monday, August 29, 2011

3997...The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And

Not so round.

If the bus is Tim Hudak's, the suburban Buffalo boy who wants to govern Ontario.

According to my sources, which were the chatters in Yasir Naqvi's campaign headquarters in Ottawa Centre, the Ontario PC's, who had an 11 point lead a month ago, are now at the margin of error.

It's a tie.

Thanks Mr. Hudak!


3996...Meanwhile In The Country That Brought You

The History Channel, Germany, they have called off the hunt for Yvonne.

Slate and NPR tell all that "Yvonne is a six-year-old cow who made a last-minute escape on May 24 to avoid a trip to the slaughterhouse. She has been on the run ever since, first inspiring the wrath of law enforcement officials when she charged a police car in late July. The incident prompted authorities in Germany’s Mühldorf district to issue a shoot-to-kill order for hunters that might see the bold bovine. However, thanks in part to an outpouring of public support, the order was permanently revoked Monday."

First off, who the f*ck names a cow? Especially one that is going to be burgerized.

"During the summer-long ordeal, Yvonne wasn’t fooled by ploys to lure her to into the arms of the law. She evaded thermal-imaging cameras and search teams seeking a 10,000 euro ($14,533) reward offered by a German tabloid. Yvonne’s nerves of steel were likewise unshaken in the face of bait that included an attractive ox dubbed the 'George Clooney of cattle,' her 'sister cow,' Waltraud, or her calf, Friesi."

No wonder these people cannot win a war.


3995...Gotta Love Texas

George W. Bush, Dallas Mavs and now Drive In Church.

WFAA in Dallas/Fort Worth tells the world that a pastor outside the D has launched a drive-in church that operates along the same lines as a drive-in movie theater. I know, I said the same thing, what is a drive in theater? Apparently back in the olden days you could drive to this fields and they would show movies and you would eat popcorn and listen to the movie on a box that would attach to your window or the sound would come in through your radio. The appeal? Well, they don't exist anymore as far as I know.

Nonetheless Sanctuary Under the Sky, which meets in a high school parking lot in Lucas, Texas, is the third outdoor church launched by Pastor David Ray. Reverend Ray, who is a Presbyterian, told WFAA that he's trying to reach the unchurched and that he believes Jesus would approve of his approach.

"I think he would like it. His stuff was outdoors. A lot of trouble he had was indoors."


3994...Michelle Bachmann Makes A Funny

It is right there on CNN, FOX and every other news outlet including this puppy.

The woman who would be President said that Hurricane Irene was a message from God, smoting [is that a word?] the evil District of Columbia blah, blah and blah.

God would smot her back but He tells me He is too busy building his NFL Fantasy team.


3293...Quebec Wants To License Journalists

You know, like Adolf Hitler and Joesph Stalin used to do. And Fidel Castro [presumably] does.

Only those in the club will get access to the cool information.

Everyone else shut out.

Heaven forbid that one should be a minority, and in Quebec not being pure laine = being a minority.

La Belle, land of the home and free of the brave.


3992...Jack Layton Went Out The Way He Wanted

In a blaze of political glory.

I swear that he would have wanted it that way.

The only thing that would have made it better for Jack Layton and the Dippers would have been if he croaked a week before the election. Then we would have Mr. Prime Minister from the NDP.

In showbiz or politics dying is never, ever, ever a bad career move.


3991...How Boring Is Ottawa?

This is how boring.

Hurricane Irene visited Richmond, Virginia; DC; Balto; NYC; wiped out Vermont; New England; Southern Quebec and more.

But, like any tourista who has done his research, she skipped on your Nation's Capital.

That is how boring Ottawa is.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

3990...I Hate When This Happens

ABC reports that Phillip Seaton went into Louisville Jewish Hospital for a circumsion and came out sans le penis.

Dr. John Patterson found inflammation on Mr. Seaton's little head back in 2007 and it was cancerous so, whoosh, gone with the wind.

Lawyers have been contacted.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

3989...Downfall You

Moomar has dipped out of Tripoli and the Libyan capital's political axis has shifted away from the Kernel.

Soooooooo of course gas prices in Fort Mac go up 8 cents a litre/35 cents a gallon.

Meme chose across our country.

No one asks and no one tells.



Moomar style.

It ain't looking good for the Colonel.

No matter what his peeps say, when they are in your house, literally, it is not good.


3987...Canada Wins Silver In China

If it was hockey it would be front page news but since it is hoop it were buried deep in the recesses of the sport pages.

Nonetheless Canada, led by Carleton's Tyson Hinz, won Silver at the World University Games, losing the final to Serbia.



3986...Oy Vey

It ain't over.

Just coz their leader, Jack Layton, died after leading them to their greatest victory, it does not sound the deathknell for the Dippers.

C'mon, give yer head a shake. The NDP has been around for decades, predates Mr. Layton in the form of the CCF, and will live on after his untimely demise.


Monday, August 22, 2011

3985...Maine Be Cool

They have Old Orchard, they have Stephen King and, according to my friend Len Berman, they have The Redneck Olympics.

It is in Hebron and according to Mr. Berman it has "Just the usual events involving lots of mud and the tossing of toilet seats. You know, highbrow sports entertainment. Well, the real Olympic guys weren't amused. They're threatening to sue if the 'rednecks' continue to use the word 'Olympics.' They're kind of fussy like that. The guys in Maine are kind of stubborn themselves. They've basically said 'buzz off.'"

That'll show the USOC, eh?


3984...It Is Pride Week In Ottawa

Rumour is that Mayor Rob Ford will not being marching in the Ottawa Pride Parade Sunday.


3983...This Should Make The Haters Hate

Says right here in Friday lasts Winnipeg Free Press that our beloved leader, Stephen Harper, will be in attendance at the MTS Centre on October 9th when the new Winnipeg Jets play the greatest hockey team in history, the Montreal Canadiens.

I would think that Mr. Harper, a life long Leaf fan, yes that makes him a loser, and a prairie dog, will be cheering for Team Manitoba.

Of course there will be haters that will hate the fact that our Prime Minister will take time to go to a hockey game but, well, f*ck 'em.


3982...It Is Early But

Who do you think will be the next perm leader of the Dippers?

Comment, you know how, and we will see what Y O U think will happen.

Losing Jack Layton is huge but that does not mean the end of the dream for the NDP just the end of an era.

I can see a number of greats stepping up to the plate. One that immediately comes to mind is Roy Romanow.

What thinks you?


3981...Friends Of Lansdowne No Friend Of Yours

Let's break it down.

It is your National Capital and two klicks south of the Parliament buildings is Lansdowne Park, a fairgrounds opened in the 1880's. Roger Greenberg and his wallet have offered, generously, to refurbish this eyesore, facillitate a CFL team [hopefully sans Joe Paopao, the worst football coach extant]and a soccer team while filling in the empty spaces so downtowners like moi don't have to go to the 'burbs to get stuff.

Friends of Lansdowne, which is two guys, John Martin and Ian Lee, are blocking it.

Please stop gentlemen. Your point is both made and well taken but please, STFU.


3980...Paradise Lost: It Could Happen Here

Imagine spending 18 years in jail for a murder you didn't commit.

Check out Paradise Lost or Paradise Lost II and learn more about the trials and tribulations of the West Memphis Three, three young men who were released last week after serving almost two decades of their lives for a crime that they seemingly did not do. The crime, a heinous one, was the murder of three 8 year olds back in '93.

Of course if they are innocent then that means that the villian that murdered and mutilated these young boys is out there.

Again, it could happen hear.

Justice should be both blind and available to all, not just those who can afford it.


3979...I Heard The News Today


Jack Layton, RIP.

Most of the stuff I read is positive but there are a few haters, prolific letter writer and pot head Russell Barth being one, you may check him out on FaceBook. Mr. Barth questions our beloved Prime Minister's sincerity in offering condolences to his opponent's family.

Mr. Barth be high.


Friday, August 5, 2011

3978...I Hated This When It Happened To Me

I am reading the Ottawa Sun this morn' and as filler they have a story about a lad in India, a feller, who goes to the doctor with an ache in his belly and lo and behold he has a complete set of lady parts.

I recall the day that happened to me.



Thursday, August 4, 2011

3977...The River Is In Trouble

Could be any river but it is definitely the Gatineau, which flows north of your Nation's Capital.

Was talking to Wanda Gibson about this this morning on 93.1 and thought I would share this with you too.

Fundraising Party: Sauvons la Gatineau / Save the Gatineau

Saturday at 7:00pm - Sunday at 2:00am
753 Riverside Drive Wakefield, QC J0X 3G0
Created By
Save the Gatineau River
More Info
blacksheep inn.
Free Movie at 7pm - Chercher Le Courant a film about the exploitation of Rivers in Quebec.. you'll be shocked, but not surprised... 15 minute intro by save the gatineau organizer and Fondation Rivieres board member.

Bands start at 9pm ($10 tix available at blacksheep, and
Lindsay Ferguson http://www.lindsayferguson​.com/
The Strain​ds/The-STRAIN
The Little Stevies http://www.thelittlestevie​

-- Hey, even if you're unable to attend, please consider buying a ticket -- engineers, lawyers and assorted experts cost $$$ --

Look for me in the Aqua sombrero.


3976...Oh To Be In Regina

At the Queen City Fair.

I have been and as fairs go the Queen City Fair is as good as it gets.

No, it is better.

I was reading Peter Mills in the Leader-Post over coffee this morning and found this delicious piece of news. The doughnut burger has landed on the Prairies.

Here is what ten bux will get you. "...a burger, cheese, and bacon in between a honey-glazed doughnut...”


"The doughnut burger, also known as the Luther Vandross burger, has found fame in recent years thanks to people like Duchow and donning the cover of a book named This is Why You’re Fat."

Recent years? How did the WFDS miss this? I am such a Philistine.


3975...Apparently Miranda Lambert Likes Guns

This is a big story in Ottawa.

Imagine my shock.



3974...Toronto Star Aims For Pulitzer Prize

In the category "It's Obvious".

The headline, above the fold even, on the front page of the Toronto Star this day is that "Canada's Must-See List Excludes Capital".

What? The story by Jim Byers indicates that the Canadian Tourism Commissions new Signature Experience Program lists 48 fun things for foreigners to do when in Canada and none of them, not a single one, are in Ottawa.

I live in Ottawa and I have to say it is a great place to live but I don't think I would want to visit here.


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

3973...Don't Tell Lowell Green About This

Lowell Green is the biggest media star in Anglo Ottawa and not a fan of the Muslim community.

So do not tell him about what is in the current Atlantic.

Gallup survey shows Muslim-Americans more likely to say targeting and killing civilians is always wrong than any other American religious group.

Don't wanna colour his sky blue.


3972...Perhaps She Should Wear A Helmet

So I am reading the Carlsbad Current-Argus over my afternoon coffee and learn a fun piece of information. Bojana Jovanovski is the 53rd best woman in the world tennis wise but not a geographical whiz. The Serbian star went to Carlsbad, Arizona this weekend for the Mercury Insurance Open. Sadly for her the Mercury Insurance Open was in Carlsbad, California.

Things eventually got straightened out and she got herself to Cali. Sadly, for the 53rd best player in the world things did not work out; she got schooled by No. 23 Roberta Vinci in three sets 3-6, 6-4and 6-1.

Next stop is Toronto. There are at least seven cities named Toronto stretched across the American Midwest and one in Ontario, Canada. Which one will she choose?


3971...Capital Hoedown Meets CKCU

Tommorrow morning from 7 to 8 Pembroke boy Jason Blaine's career hits its high note when he is interviewed by moi, the WFDS.

Also a serious story about river problems north of the Capital in La Belle.

Be there or be asleep.


3970...Nycole Turmel

Can we take a chill pill here folks?

She didn't spend her college years as a stripper.

Not that that would be wrong.

She didn't steal cars for a living nor did she drown puppies.

All that the former union leader and current head of the NDP did was join a political party, the Bloc Quebecois.

Hey, may be she was a separatist. So now she has changed her mind.

Let's move on.

Calling her a treasonist [I just made that world up apparently] is a big pile of bullsh*t.


3969...I Wonder If They Ate In The Car?

Or went into the Tim's?

Our beloved Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, and former Carleton University football player and Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, had some eats with fellow members of Team Blue.

I was kidding about eating in the car. It was a full blown backyard Tory love affair that QMI reports that "...sources inside said burgers, beer and wine were on the menu."


3968...Make Up Your Mind Victor Toews

The Minister of Keeping Our Streets Safe is p*ssed coz the CBC would not run photos of his thirty war criminals.

This is the same guy from the same gang who accuse the CBC of not having journalistic integrity.

Then the Mother Corp makes an editorial decision and he plotzes.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

3967...Will They Call Them The Nordiques?

Or the Nationales?

That is the question being posed by the WFDS today.

Er, here is the question: What will the new Quebec City NHL team be called?

Coz they are getting closer to getting a team with what happened on Long Island yesterday. Len Berman reports that in Long Island
It wasn't close. Voters shouted a loud no. They don't want to fund an arena for a hockey team. They rejected the arguments about construction jobs, businesses in the area, and the arena being used for other events. Obviously this is not the economic time for a grandiose sports plan. Subscriber Bob P. said it best "When will taxpayers learn that these private entrepreneurs who ask residents to part with their hard-earned dollars and then charge outrageous prices for these same taxpayers to see their teams say, 'thanks, but no thanks'? Build the stadium, coliseum whatever yourself or hit the road." Blunt, but true. Taxpayers are saying the owner should build it privately. As sad as it seems for history sake, it doesn't sound like the Islanders are long for New York.

I prefer the Nordiques.



We have a new winner in the Who Gives A F*ck Category.

Daniel Bedard reports in this morning's Globe and Mail that Nycole Turmel, "The new leader of the federal NDP was a card-carrying member of the Bloc Québécois for five years and quit the sovereigntist party only last January, one month before she announced plans to run as a key member of Jack Layton’s team in Quebec..."

The horror.


3965...Note To Julian Fantino

When you are in Italy and chilling with the cabinet would you give a big hello to Mara Carfagna and tell her that I named my dog after her?

Much appreciated.

You cannot miss her; she is, according to Maxim Magazine, the hottest politician in history. To put that in perspective Belinda Stronach finished sixth.


3964...Julian Fantino Kisses A**

He's in the homeland, Italy, and the Postmedia people tell us that Canada's associate minister of national defence is praising the Italians for their great military yadda, yadda, yadda.

Italy, of course, is the only country to lose World War Two twice, may be three times.

But they, the Italians, are buying those F 35's that the Stephen Harper's sole sourced [by the way John Martin, Ian Lee, Friends of Lansdowne, where are you on this sole sourcing?]and Mr. Fantino and Secretary of State Guido Crosetto are having a love in about how great both Canada and Italy is/are/always will be.


3963...We Got A Good Immigrant Here

Have, got, whatever.

And we are trying to force him back to where he is from.

His name is Matt Bonner and he is special. As in a special athlete, NBA player and a scholar.

Check this from TSN, The Sporting News: "Bonner never received less than an "A" as final grade in any class throughout his academic career, until he received a "C" on a chemistry exam in college, which led to a final grade of a "B"."

The Ottawa Sun had an editorial focusing on Mr.Bonner's quest for Canuckistanian citizenship. The New Hampshire native's wife Nadia is from Toronto and he, taxes be damned, spends his off time in the Big Smoke. He applied for citizenship back February of 2009, a few months before his little girl was born in Toronto.

Oh, did I mention he is an NBA player? And that our Olympic team sucks beyond suckatude? The lost by over sixty to F R A N C E. France. Not Serbia, not Lith, not the States. F R A N C E.

C'mon, you are not going to get a better immigrant than Matt Bonner plus he can hit the three.

Special rules for special people.

I am all for that and if Mr. Bonner could skate I think the Guv would be too.


Monday, August 1, 2011

3962...Shields' In The House And You Know It

Sam Shields that is.

From the Green Bay Packers.

As you probably are aware Super Bowl winners receive championship rings. Big, ugly, impressive especially to the guys at the bar when you are 30 years out and living a regular life. Very impressive.

Deadspin informs us that "...that didn't satisfy Sam Shields...A ring wasn't enough... he got a giant ring tattooed on his neck..."

Giant, like the size of a large pizza box.


3961...So Tim Hudak Slips Again

According to the Toronto Star at least.

Apparently Tim Hudak was or is against abortion and that has everybody up in arms.

Except for may be voters.

Look at it this way: the Conservative leader is probably not getting votes from them that is for abortion anyhow and is getting a good chunk of the anti abortion vote.


3960...Just When You Thought It Was Safe

To plug the TV back in OWN announced that they have hired Rosie O'Donnell to host a daily talker and they are going to perpetually run re runs of Oprah.

For historical reasons.

As if.

OWN, in case you don't know, is Oprah's OWN [get it?] network. And is a ratings turkey.