Saturday, September 17, 2011

4042...I Heard That Hudak's Bus Is Broken

Coz the wheels fell off.

Like, seriously, this guy is the biggest choker in history.

Tipping Point to the max, motherf*cker.


4041...And They Didn't Get To Hull Or Vanier

They would be the people at MSN who put Your Nation's Capital at 8th on the list of Worst Dressed Cities in the world.

Number two was Vancouver and number one was a Quebec city, Orlando, Florida.

So know you know.


Friday, September 16, 2011

4040...And They Didn't Get To Hull Or Vanier

They would be the people at MSN who put Your Nation's Capital at 8th on the list of Worst Dressed Cities in the world.

Number two was Vancouver and number one was a Quebec city, Orlando, Florida.

So know you know.


4039...Jack Would Have Loved This

Jack is Jack Layton the late leader of the Dips.

I know there has been a lot of hand wringing about Andrea Horvath and other NDPers using their dead leader as some kind of attention grabbing thing. Like they are using him, his memory, to get votes.

Like, doh, yessssss. And so they should. Dude was a career pol who's wife and dad were/are career pols.

It is only business and in the business of politics being dead is often a plus in the polls. JFK immediately comes to mind. A mediocre President who was going to have a lot of trouble getting reelected in '64 takes one for the team and spurs a landslide election. You think Mr. Daisy that LBJ didn't play that card [hard] in 1964?

He did.

Ms. Horvath should honor Mr. Layton by using his images and thoughts to garner support for their causes.

Butcha gotta wanna win and it seems that Ms. Horvath would rather be correct than Premier.

Thank goodness.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

4038...Strippers Be Smart Not Necessarily

Big story on Canoe and in the Suns, at least the one in Ottawa and the one in Toronto, about how smart the strippers are in Toronto. Like at least half or three quarters or all of them are in uni. Or, at least, college. The story made the clubs sound like libraries with music.

Urban Legend. One that I have been hearing for decades. She's a doctor, that one is a nurse, the other one is a lawyer. No, generally speaking, not so much. In fact I have one friend who used to peel, an Carleton grad, who swears that it was her personality that made her tons of dough. Of course after she got personality implants her income went up thirty per cent. Funny that.

I have known a lot of strippers, even went out with a handful, and I have to tell that regardless of what the papers say the clubs are not a repository of Mensa candidates. Densa yes; Mensa no. They are bars with naked people working in them.

I think that spinning these yarns makes the men that frequent these joints feel comfortable coz they can convince themselves that buy buying a table dance they are somehow furthering the intellectual resources of our country. Most times they are not; most times they are just paying a young woman a price for a valuable service.


4037...I Hope He At Least Got Something Sumthin'

Bob Dechert is the poor schmuck/Member of Parliament, Blue, for Mississauga Square One, and he is in big trouble with the missus coz he got caught flirting on line with a hot Chinese news reporter, Shi Rong.

Let the piling on begin. Canoe reports that "The official Opposition is joining the chorus of calls for MP Bob Dechert to resign." Taking the fun out of having fun the Dipper interim leader Nycole Turmel, who represents the riding of Hull Aylmer Pigalles, says that "He should step down and there should be an investigation. We believe it is inappropriate what happened. He's a key person."

For starters, no, he is not a key person. He is a back bencher who will always be a back bencher and he is parliamentary secretary to Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird so he, Mr. Dechert, has something to tell and impress the folks at the Tim's on Hurontario.

Frankly, as you all know, the bigger story would be who did Minister Baird flirt with while he was in China?

Boys will like boys.

Anyhow, enough of that, geez, leave the poor schmuck alone, k? He was just trying to get some and, as I opined in my open, Mrs. Dechert will remind/use this information to grind him from now til the end of his days.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

4036...We're Number Three!

Miracle worker Tim Hudak has taken his lead in Toronto and inverted it.

Way to go Mr. Hudak!

You're number three!


4035...Tim Hudak Is A Buffalo Bills Fan

We all know how well the four time Super Bowl losers do in the big game.

They choke.

Tim Hudak would have been a great Buffalo Bill.



They/we snuck into the Rugby World Cup and now this!

My Facebook and real world friend Rodney Dewey Berg tells me that Canada beat Tonga 25 to 20.

Any given Sunday.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

4033...Pandering To Quebec

Montreal boy Brian Topp, who wants to be the next leader of the Dippers, says that "...Quebec should join Alberta, B.C. and Ontario in getting extra House of Commons seats when Canada's political map is next redrawn..."

This would be why?

No, seriously, enough of this Quebec bullsh*t. Let's be a real democracy, set a floor limit, say four, of the number of seats each province gets, and then divide the country by population. How f*cking hard is that?


4032...Air Canada attendants could strike next week

That's the headline in today's Financial Post.

The Flying Waitresses Union is holding ongoing votes and "If the flight attendants vote for a strike mandate, as is widely expected, they could walk off the job as early as Sept. 21..."

This of course will mean there will be no one to bring you a Sprite when you order a 7-UP lessening the opportunity to be linguistically threatened and file a law suit.


Monday, September 12, 2011

4031...Speaking Of Choke Artists

Tim Hudak.

Geez what the f*ck?

According to he is even seat wise with the Liberal incumbent, Dalton McGuinty.

Friday the numbers were worse.

Six weeks ago he was poised to score a majority, smash the Liberals, a new day in Ontario.

Yeah, surrrrrre.


4030...Carrie Underwood Made The Right Choice

Dropping Tony Romo for Mike Fisher.

Mr. Romo proved last night against the New York Jets that he both sucks and is a choke artist.

'nuff said.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

4029...Tweets From The 74th Hottest Woman

In the world.

According to Maxim.

Who would know.

Back in the day mind you, but still, you don't see the WFDS on any such lists.

Her name is Sarah Silverman and she is as funny as she is hot.

Miss Silverman, @SarahKSilverman, Tweets that "I guess the quality I am looking for most in a man is someone who won't murder me."

I have a shot!


Saturday, September 10, 2011

4028...But Besides That How Was The Party?

Phillip Croucher, out of Halifax, in the Metro, lets us know that a 19 year old Albertan teen [sic] ended up not alive after a night of partying at Acadia University in Wolfville, Nova Scotia.

Considering the craziness that frosh entails in Canada losing only one, sad as it is, is a bit of surprise.



4027...This Will Work

Chris Radojewski writes in the current Fulcrum, the University of Ottawa's very own fishwrap, that a student at George Brown College in Tronna, Damian Sommer, has developed a video game that is going to encourage voting in the upcoming Ontariariario election.

The game, developed for the Canadian Federation of Students, allows players to jump over apathy and debt as they try to catch a ballot box.

Wanna play the game? go to


Friday, September 9, 2011

4026...This Is How Entourage Is Gonna End

I didn't get a sneak preview so this is merely an educated guess.

But this is how I see the dramedy ending its 8 year run this Sunday.

E marries the pregnant Sloan and they move to NYC.

E's partner Scott takes over the firm and merges it with the cash strapped Ari who decides to experience the single life.

Turtle now has the money for his own restaurant so Don Pepe will fly without the Queen's cookers.

Drama gets both a hit series and a movie of the week.

Vin gets the girl.

Let's not forget to hover around the Sony on Sunday night and find out how wrong/pyschic I am.


4025...Paul Dewar Wants To Be King

Of the Dippers.

And, as my dear friend Rachel Decoste, who alerted me to this story in today's Ottawa Citizen, says "'ve got to be kidding me.!?"

When I clicked on the link she sent me it had be taken down. Black helicopters? I think not; someone just f'cked up at the paper. Nonetheless, if they elect Paul Dewar leader of the party it is the best thing that could happen to the Liberals.

Not hating on Mr. Dewar. Although it pains me to say this, it seems possible and probable that he could be MP for Ottawa Centre til forever. The problem is his sizzle is a fizzle.

They need a rock star to take them all the way and Paul Dewar ain't no rockstar.

Roy Romanow on the other hand...


4024...Barnstorm 12

It seems like only yesterday that Barnstorm 11 happened but, alas, it was a year ago.

This year CKCU's tic's music festival in Finch, Ontario, about an hour from Ottawa, Cornwall and Montreal, promises to be spectacularish.

You may go to to sample the bands including my personal fave Muffler Crunch.

Emily O, an Ottawa comic, will be opening the show.

Tickets are 20 bones for six bands, a bucolic and psychedelic setting, plus the opportunity to camp over.

Plus you can bring your own booze and meet tic.

All for 20 bones.

Look for me in my tie died sombrero.


4023...This Upsets Me Too

Cut and paste from the CTV News last night:

LISA LAFLAMME: Not much you can do about a natural disaster but ride it out. That's something Ottawa is not prepared to do when it comes to the huge difference in price on identical items in the US and Canada. A review is underway. Relief, well, that could still take a while. CTV's Ottawa bureau chief Robert Fife has more.

ROBERT FIFE (Reporter): Buying a bicycle in this shop will cost 45 percent more than it would in the US. WILL BLACKWELL (Customer): It definitely frustrates me the price differences between stuff in America and Canada.

FIFE: With the loonie worth as much or more than the greenback, the price of most products in Canada should be the same as south of the border. That isn't the case, and retailers are blaming high tariffs. JOSE BRAY (Joe Mamma Cycles): In the US on-line it retails at $299. Because of duties and tariffs in Canada, our retail price is $429.99.

FIFE: Large price discrepancies are also found on the grocery shelves. One pound of unsalted butter in Bellingham, Washington, goes for $3.69 compared to $5.49 in Canada. A 4 litre jug of milk is $2.99 in the US, $4.39 here. A block of cheese is priced at $4.99 in the US and a whopping $16.25 in Canada. Finance Minister Jim Flaherty knows Canadians are upset. He's asked a senate committee to study the price gap.

JIM FLAHERTY (Finance Minister): I'm responsible for tariffs, and sometimes people in the retail business blame tariffs and so on, so I want to see. FIFE: The finance minister wants the senate committee to report back before the Christmas shopping season begins. Robert Fife, CTV News, Ottawa.

The companies involved will quote economies of scale which, of course, is a pile of steaming bullsh*t. Sure, I could understand stuff being more expensive in the hinterlands, but Windsor, Niagara, Toronto, they are just as much a part of the north east and mid west as Detroit, Niagara and Buffalo.

Throw in the higher sales tax and we be getting it up the poopersnappermeister.


4022...Wheels Be Falling Off

Tim Hudak, OMG, eleven point lead goes p o o f.

Now this.

Megan Cornell, personal friend of mine, is being endorsed by a Tory. "Matt Muirhead is a former executive director of the riding's provincial Progressive Conservative association and the past president of the riding's federal Conservative association." and Wednesday he endorsed "...the Liberal candidate for the provincial election in Carleton-Mississippi Mills, calling the 'narrowminded' politics of Progressive Conservative candidate Jack MacLaren 'the wrong choice for the riding.'"

Carleton-Mississippi Mills is currently represented by a fellow named Norm Sterling who has been there since the days of the Ottawa Rough Riders dynasty. Sadly Mr. Sterling's 34 years of winning Carleton-Mississippi Mills was not good enough for Tim Hudak and his brownshirts. They pulled a night of the long knives on him in the spring, gave him a bean fest and told him to hit the bricks.


4021...Wheels Be Turning II

Also especially in Ottawa West Nepean, MPP Smiling Bob Chiarelli, is having his campaign kick off tomorrow around noon at his headquarters, on Merivale Road, south side of just before Shopper's Drug Mart if you are coming on the southside and just after SDM if you are going da other way.

In case you get peckish he will have good food followed by some door knocking and phone calling.

Look for me in the red sombrero.


4020...The Wheels Be Turning

Especially in Ottawa Centre, MPP Yasir Naqvi, who is having his campaign kick off tomorrow around noon at his headquarters, on Bank Street in Old Ottawa South, right across from Patty's/Paddy's Pub.

In case you get thirsty.

Good food followed by door knocking and phone calling.

Look for me in my red sombrero.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

4019...Moammar Gadhafi: Bad News

All though he doesn't seem to see it, he is unemployed.

He should move to Ontario.

When Dalton McGuinty is re elected a savvy employer could hire Moammar Gadhafi and get 10,000 dollars for hiring a new Canuck.


4018...Moammar Gadhafi: Good News

He became a grandfather this week.


4017...He Is For It; She Is Against It

It is the merger of the Dippers and the Liberals.

He is Jean Chretien.

She is Sheila Copps.

We have seen this movie before.

We know how it turns out.

Been nice knowing you.

See you next decade.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

4016...Back To School

Flipping Alice Cooper on his head I tell you all what you already know.

School is in forever.


Monday, September 5, 2011

4015...Ed Broadbent Is Late

St. Edward of Broadbent tells Tim Naumetz of Some Newspaper I clipped on line, The Hill Times I think, that "The Liberal Party of Canada is 'withering away' and its members, who over the last week obliquely hinted of a potential merger with the NDP, really have only one choice, says Ed Broadbent, former New Democrat leader and the party's elder statesman."

Before I continue let me point out that, by the record, Mr. Broadbent is the worst MP in the history of history. Exactly zero of the bills he brought forward during his career on Parliament Hill ever made it. To be sure if any of them did a dipper or twelve will point out my foibles. In fact he was Neroesque, fiddling while the major employer in his riding of Oshawa, General Motors, was burning.

He does make a series of good points "...pointing to the 103 seats his party won last May compared to the 34 that elected Liberals, with 32 of them incumbents, said he is convinced the Liberal decline is only beginning.

'What's happening in the Liberal Party, I think, is what happened in Britain and what happened in Western Europe, it's withering away. History can turn around, I'm not saying it's a permanent tendency and progressive people as in Europe, where they went into social democratic, socialist parties and others went into the Conservative parties,' he said, predicting a two-party system at some point."




Dya remember SCTV?

With the shift from tube TVs to flat screens you may have noted that in your town garbage day resembles the open of SCTV albeit on a linear level.

That's all I got.


4013...They Don't Get It

They are bus drivers.

Like there have been several shots online and in newspapers of bus drivers in Ontario and Quebec reading while driving, texting while driving, talking on the phone while driving.

Y'd think they would stop.

Y'd be wrong.

On the way around town this morning I was delighted to see one of OC Transpo's crack drivers talking on the phone while transporting people.

Warms my heart that they cannot be broken by mere laws and safety considerations.

No wankers they.


4012...Happy Labour Day

Too bad everyone doesn't have a job.

Nonetheless look for Mara Carfagna, the dog not the Italian Minister of Silly Walks, in the Ottawa Labour Day parade.

Doing her part.


Saturday, September 3, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

4010...Friends Of Emmet


Never heard of them until yesterday.


Listen to them, they have five tracks on their website.



They are coming to Centrepointe in Ottawa Saturday September 10.

Look for me in my Celtic green sombrero.


4009...Ottawa Woman To Be Made An Honest Girl

Her name is Shannon Tweed and she has been living in sin with KISS bassist Gene Simmons for 28 years.

The Los Angeles Times tells all that "Simmons is 62 and still touring with Paul Stanley and the current incarnation of KISS; Tweed is 54.

Simmons' proposal in Belize was naturally captured by reality-TV cameras for A&E's show "Gene Simmons: Family Jewels," which rolls its seventh season starting Oct. 4."

The nups are going to be October 1.



4008...This Is Why I Miss The Ottawa Ex

Which, btw, ran for over a century before the zealots in your capital forced it to close.

Food on a stick. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

From the Minny-St. Paul StarTribune:

Question of the Day

Poll: What is your favorite State Fair food on a stick?

Pork chops
Pronto pups
Candy apples
Chocolate covered bananas
Cotton candy

Also, btw, it had about 100,000 people a day go to it but, by Ottawa standards, they were not the right kind of properly coiffed, dressed and chamber music loving folks.


4007...Minneapolis Is Just Like Ottawa

Bad hockey team.

Colllllllddddddd in the winter.

Lousy urban planning.

Especially when it comes to transit.

Ottawa has paid about 300 million [I may be off by a bit, high and low, but it was a lot]for a train that was never built. The Star Tribune in the Twin Cities tell us that they are not to be out dumbed by Ottawa. The city fathers in Minny have built an "$112 million rapid busway on Cedar Avenue in the southern suburbs, nearly a decade in the making, suddenly doesn't have the money to pay for bus service once it opens."



4006...Regina Be A Happy Place

Andy Fantuz, their super star reciever out of Western, was released by the Chicago Bears today.

That doesn't mean he will necessarily be in Green coz he could get picked up by another team in the NFL but if you are a Roughrider fan he is closer than he was yesterday.

One man's pain is an entire province's pleasure so to speak.


4005...What Do You Want From Life?

In Ontario anyhow.

Look, voting Liberal for certain, have a sign up and everything in Ottawa Centre for Yasir Naqvi but, but and but.

Tim Hudak's platform er Change Book, looks very appealling.

Especially if you are middle to lower middle class.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

4004...College Football Kicks Off Ce Soir

For real.


Not a hater on this one but, God bless, the CIS just ain't quite there.

Weak line up tonite with the best game being Syracuse and Wake Forest but still it is football.

Go Orange.


4003...I Anticipate A Barber Shortage In 2014

At least in Ontario.

That's coz, as it has been widely reported in the Trillium Province, 8000 support staff at Ontario colleges walked off the job early today. Good time to do it coz we are at the start of the academic year.

Thing is, I may have over reacted coz they aren't teachers that are on strike. It is broom pushers and librarians and the like so I may be able to get a quality cut in the future.



In the face of Wade Belak's apparent suicide is the announcement in Ottawa's Metro that U2's Bono and Colin Farrell are coming to Ottawa on the 10th of September to attend the World Suicide Prevention Day concert.

The concert will be at Centrepointe Theatre in Nepean and will showcase Susan Aglukark and the Irish rockers Friends of Emmet.



4001...And Then There Were Three

Dead NHL tough guys.

Last night Wade Belak, a man who made his living getting punched in the head, was found dead at his Tronna condo. Early reports indicate Mr. Belak committed suicide.

He is the third NHL fighter to die this summer; the second to kill himself.

Derek Boogaard of the New York Rangers died of an overdose. Rick Rypien killed himself and now this.

Wonder what Don Cherry thinks of fighting now?